Of divorces, soulmates and futures

[LL]

Horace, Sorry, no blow torch at the moment ;D, cats have to be the best hide and seek opponents I've ever encountered. Glad to hear the pneumonia is gone and the x rays are clear. . Sensitive? sure I'll agree with that for the most part. And sure, I'm prepared to endure some degree of suffering but for a few home comforts? Naa, thats just me though.  

Milena, oh okay your forgiven And yes, that is quite convenient! ;D

[Horace]

Milena,  choice is a weird thing aint it? It seems like both the higher and sleeping selves can do the choosing. Remember, "we seek problems for the lessons to be learned from them." Who is doing the seeking here? Its not the self that is initially bothered by the situation (that's the self that kicked the cat and swore at the kettle, right) - its the Big One that knows you need to be there. So what kind of choices do the lesser selves make? I think, either those that get closer to the Big One or act in opposition (There may be many ways to run from the truth and possibly lots of ways to get closer to it - not sure about that). So, can you choose to, or not to suffer?  I think yes, and no. The act of choosing the right way will ultimately relieve suffering but turning from what appears to the the obvious cause of suffering might mean you loose a few thousand years of good karmic energy. Remeber, don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them." Did I get your meaning right?

[milena]

But surely the idea of the *Big One* deciding which lessons we need to learn negates the idea of choice? I thought that as a being I had chosen to live in this time frame I call my world beacuse of the lessons I knew I would encounter because I knew I needed them. I like the idea of becoming one with the *Big One* but I´d like to get there under my own steam and not because it knew best!

[Horace]

Hi Milena,

The "self" doing the choosing - choosing a life before birth and seeking out situations to learn from is the higher self (The Self). I didnt mean to say it was ol' godo - sorry for the misunderstanding. God - it was revealed recently - turns out to be Alanis Morrisette - It's funny (and a little relief) how the most perplexing things in  life turn out to be right under your nose  8).

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I have always loved Richard's ideas, his words, his messages, and yes, although I was strongly affected by his and Leslie's divorce, I don't think it holds a candle to the disappointment I felt when I found out he had six children and walked away from them all.  The Richard in Illusions, in Bridge, in One...this was a person with no children (I thought) by choice.  I  guess I was naiive.  When he talked about walking away from marriage and children, for some silly reason I thought he meant step-children.   I don't think I will ever be able to read those books again, because while he is discovering adventure, freedom, love, mystery, magic, and being true to himself (and all that is great and wonderful and daring and what we should all be doing), unfortunately I will only be able to think of the woman who chose NOT to walk away from her six children, and the children who didn't have a choice one way or the other.  
Suddenly I'm very tired of Richard Bach.  I wish Leslie would write soon.

[Horace]

When Richard showed up at our house one Sunday in about 1998 it was more of a surprise than a pleasure. His children and his estranged wife will no doubt add to the list but in the few hours we had to chat, the revalations of his behaviour and his true attitudes caused us to completely rethink our friendship and admiration for him. In the first place, his clothes. How could a man with such deep insight into the human condition appear at our front door wearing a tee shirt with "***** the women's institute" emblazoned on the front - in pearly pink letters no less! Then... his table manners... do you know he sat under my victorian grandfather clock for a full hour with the biggest piece of buttercream and sponge cake stuck to his moustache. After gulping down his tea in what must have amounted to no more that a minute he proclaimed the need to "use the John" and we never saw him again. I remember the full plate of tuna sandwiches with the crusts cut off still sitting there for an hour while we discussed what unfortunate stomach complaint the poor ***** must be suffering in the lavatory!    He really is a bounder! 8)

Now I really miss the plumbing

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Marty:  I appreciate your comments.  I myself have had very mixed feelings about this divorce thing, and I must admit, it's my own conflict from beginning to end:  I'm sure Richard's happy, Leslie's happy--it's just me.  I didn't know about the divorce initially, I just started getting a funny feeling while reading Running From Safety.  Some odd little things kept nagging at me from that and other books and they started to add up to something not quite right.  First, (I can't remember which of Richard's books some of these ideas come from)  somewhere he said that he and Leslie had a rule that both of them couldn't cry at the same time--one always had to remain dry-eyed.  I thought this was bizarre and just expressed that one of them was truly afraid of his or her grief.  Then there was a passing, almost non-statement, reference to a previous marriage.  Then in Running From Safety, Richard mentions (for the first time, I think) that he had grown sons and that he had a brother that died in childhood.  These are major events and I was shocked that with all of Richard's honesty and sharing (which is considerable), he hadn't brought these very relevant experiences into his writing (of course unconsciously, they run through it).  Then, too, a couple times he would mention Leslie's body--her legs or her breasts.  Now, for sure she is a beautiful and ageless woman, but when you devote a couple books to the soul mate who crossed the universe to find you (yada, yada, yada), resorting to "She's so hot" just doesn't quite fit.  They called each other "Wookie", which was just another example of the sappy sentimentalism that I was starting to suspect.  At that point I went on line, and what do you know?  Divorced.  And he really doesn't want to talk about it.  
So I've had mixed feelings.  Illusions is still one of my favorite books of all time, but written by a man who is apparently uncomfortable with deep or difficult feeling and simply walks away when he might benefit from staying around a while.  To say things to the effect that he learned all he could from this particular teacher and it was time to move on, just doesn't cut it.  It's a cop out.  
In fairness to Richard no one said he had to be perfect--or even better than me.  When it comes to marriage, he is just like the rest of us--he does his best and sometimes that isn't much, sometimes it undoubtedly is.  I was mad to learn of the divorce in the same way that I am mad every time someone I know gets divorced.  Marriage is challenging and difficult sometimes--worth it I remain convinced--but a lot of hard work and compromise nonetheless.  Maybe a line is crossed and one can go no further.  I really couldn't promise that I wouldn't reach such a point myself.  And here I think is the source of my own anger--part of me thought, "Hey I'm gonna suffer this through to the end!  You gotta too!"  But I know that there is a certain baseline of happiness that I demand from marriage and if it doesn't work anymore, then why not get out?  Again, I have mixed feelings.  
I think Richard could be called a "puer aeternus" that Jung and others have writen about (James Hillman and Marie Louise Von Franz).  And I am too!  A puer is someone who never quite grows up completely. or places his feet squarely on the ground.  He can accomplish things still, but something remains undeveloped.  In Richard's case, and maybe my own, it's that deep emotionality and connectedness--that is both painful and redemptive--and requires so much strength and commitment.  There are some things that cannot be dismissed as simple choices we have made, or illusions and thereby rendered painless.  I was mostly mad at Richard for being so pathetically human and common, so much like....ME.    
And I had to ask myself, would I forgive myself for the ending of a relationship I had characterized as the love of all time in two or three books that sold millions?  I hope that I would.

Mark

[LCoontz]

It is pathetic and ignorant to expect an author to "speak" about their work or explain the context if they have no desire to do so.  

I couldn't agree more, LL!  I think that one of the things that makes RB the wonderful writer that he is is that he doesn't draw a roadmap for his readers.  All of his words are up for interpretation....why should he justify them now?  

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LCoontz:  I presume that's me you're calling pathetic and ignorant (thanks).  Richard presents a very appealing philosophy of life to be sure, and that's what I have always enjoyed about his books.  I am not asking him to draw me a map (if that was aimed at me): I don't need one.  But I think it's only honest to acknowledge that his approach to living may mean walking away from children and spouses when he feels he has learned the lessons he's supposed to learn (whatever that means).  He certainly is entitled to leave whomever whenever he wants to.  And of course you're right:  he doesn't have to justify or explain anything.  (And honestly, I don't know what happened to their marriage--maybe they're still best friends for all I know)  I guess it's nice that all his words are up for interpretation, and they can mean one thing to you and another to me.  Fair enough.  What's the Messiah's Handbook say about calling people ignorant?  Could that be an illusion?  A lesson I must learn?
Peace.  Mark  

[LCoontz]

 Gosh, Mark-I didn't mean to call you ignorant or anything.  I guess I didn't express myself well enough.  I'm sorry.  I only meant that RB shows the reader the road in his books....how we travel on them is up to us.  Where we go with the information is also up to us.  I read an interview with him on the web, and he said that they wanted to go in different directions (severely paraphrasing here   and to protect themselves from becoming resentful or hurt, they divorced.  He also said that just because they are divorced, he would never say that the search for her was unwarranted or unneccessary.  As far as justification of his words - well, I will say that I'm disappointed, but he's given me far more enlightenment than I thought possible, and as far as I'm concerned -  that's all that matters.  

Once again - I'm sorry.   Friends?

[milena]

Maybe this was how he planned it when he decided to choose this life time to learn what it was he needed to learn and to teach what it was he needed to teach. The only way to make us less advanced/aware souls grasp what it is he and countless others have tried to teach us ( but we chose not to listen for our own reasons!!!) was to give us the story book ideal, the one thing we all want/need -true companionship and soulmate love and then to destroy it for us and say *Look it doesn´t have to hurt you. I choose to do this and I choose to share my thoughts with you but they are my thoughts and learnings and not yours. You choose to be what it is you want to be, you choose your time and existance and lessons and learn/teach all it is you have to. But at the end of the day remember, if it has reasonace for you that all this is an illusion. If it doesn´t then feel free to disagree for my words and deeds are illusions in my world and therefore cannot be destroyed........they just ARE for me.*

[LL]

Bravo! Milena  

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Someone recently posted a quote from RB on a discussion group.  I got curious.  What in the world is happening with him.  I hadn't read or heard anything in years.

The news of the divorce was a great "lesson".  There is something beautiful about losing your illusions and expectations about someone else.  Whether it is Sai Baba, L. Ron Hubbard, or Jim and Tammy Baaker, I almost think their real lesson is to get a life, trust yourself rather than me.

As far as I'm concerned this romantic notion about meeting your soul mate is becoming out dated.  Not that you can't find  someone to share a whole life with that brings out the best in both of you, but more like we are all soul mates and each have something to  offer.  When the dance is done with one, you move on to a new partner or partners or none at all, in this life or through multiple lives.

The vision I see us moving toward is the idea and sense we are all married to one another, a species consciouness of our essential one-ness.  Children honored and treated with love and respect by all.  No utopia, more like one stage in ever changing creation. 8)

Max

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First to LCoontz: Yes, all is forgiven, and I'm sorry to be so long in getting back.  I'm not sure what you said, but you can see how I slipped into my sarcastic/defensive mode, and I am sorry about that.  I think I experienced some tension about this divorce (to say the least) just as if two close friends of mine were divorcing.  Sorry if I directed that tension your way.  I enjoyed your comments.
I enjoyed also Max's recent post.  It's interesting to see our heroes in such humble light.  Probably a good thing, but painful to the extent that we idolize them.  I must remember that mostly I am thankful to Richard Bach for the continued inspiration I carry around with me from his writings.  If he were a friend of mine and had gone through a divorce, I would do my best to support him (his wife too if she were my friend).  I wish him well.
The past is not diminished by the present.  
Stay in touch! Peace.
Mark

[LL]

If he were a friend of mine and had gone through a divorce, I would do my best to support him (his wife too if she were my friend).

That is an awesome thought. What if RB was a friend and told you all along that he had a wonderful relationship with his wife and then they divorced. Would a friend then crucify him and condemn him...no a freind would support another friend whether they agreed with what was happening or not.

Max, I was going to "quote and comment" but reading over your post again...I just agree with the whole thing, nuff said ;D      LL