Post by wynsong on Jun 9, 2005 14:17:43 GMT -5
I've been reading several threads here as I try to catch up to a community that has existed long before I knew they did, and have run across things written for which I have no frame of reference to begin to understand what the person was saying...
I have no problem with that.
I've started a formal journey into exploring my shamanistic nature, which has left me with a map of a future for which I have no points of reference, and therefore no ability to go to my brain (admittedly a well trained left side *=ing safety*, and slightly languishing right side that has always found ways to express its truth by having me read other peoples words about their own journeys -- reading is "good" and proper in my tribal past) .
I had no problem with that.
I'm feeling the need to tell my map, yet I know that I don't really want anyone interpreting it...so I'm wondering at my need to tell it.
The first formal journeys I was sent on, came back safe...and with interesting bits of information about how I operate my life...I am inclined to have power animals appear that start as one animal and morph into something else...usually more powerful, scarier ...desired/admired (the stuff of shadows) ...
The first time I had someone do a soul journey for me , was safe enough, but the contract wasn't mine, and I was happy to let someone else, in my sacred drama take the healing.....(more shadow stuff)
The next time....the contract was invisible....and when I was guided to find out what it had to tell me, it became apparent that I was carrying familial stuff, that needed to be cleared...
The last journey...the contract was non verbal...it was a blue whale...before the journey there was also an orb (I think it was blue, but that may have been an add on I've made since) that was filled with a clear water like substance in which floated an oak leaf... that was floating in the universe...or the space between the universes...then the journey began an I got my whale with barnacles and some mussels attached to some rocks....during the sacred drama, I let go of the barnacles, and released the mussles....at which point the rocks disappeared...
My soul piece was a mitochondria divided into two parts --male and female
My gift was a lump of gold, which morphed into a crown, which I would not accept during the drama, because I didn't know what it would cost me, and I didn't want any more invisible contracts
an aside...I had just renovated and moved into a new office without a lease...and was seeing the pattern in my life of entering into contracts where I only knew what I wanted, but only a vague idea of what was expected of me in return, and in every case, with nothing written down, what was verbally expressed kept changing to give me less and my contractee more....
and the power animal was a lizard that changed into a bird...a fluttery, non intimidating bird...
during the drama I accepted the mitochondria, as that was not an issue for me...the powerhouse of the cell...the uniting of my male and female sides to a unified one....I was good with that being my journey in that moment
The lump of gold/crown I rejected...because of my fear of the cost...what was I going to have to become to deserve that crown...
The lizard and bird were not scary as presented so I stepped into them...the lizard felt fine, but the bird was not a bird. As I moved to the bird, it morphed into a pheonix. Had I not already been in it, I would not have stepped into it. Same reasoning as the crown....who do I need to be to be a pheonix....
I was ready to step into a new way of being, but I had a real problem with being "special"...or "powerful"....there are some really strong inhibitions to standing out...There is that thing they do to messiahs....
But the die was cast...I was already in the pheonix, and its message to me was not just of the birth, death, rebirth cycles....but also about how denied or not, the pheonix lives in me....and that doesn't make me special or stand out...as it lives in everyone...even if they deny it.....
And with the pheonix inside of me awake and aware....i went back to the crown...no longer hiding out as a lump of gold....and discovered that there was again no cost, beyond accepting what is already there....the I am crowned as is everyone, whether I own it or not, and that seeing that crown in others, would be its gift to me as I re-incorporated the male/female mitochondria into my life....
It was later that I started to deal with the images of the wound....the girl with the shamanic eyes who watched as a Father Christmas type figure cloaked and face hidden faded slowly from the map.
I have to run...errands ...kids and dogs!
so now I'll have to sit with this being in the public forum...while I'm away doing my own form of illusions.
I have no problem with that.
I've started a formal journey into exploring my shamanistic nature, which has left me with a map of a future for which I have no points of reference, and therefore no ability to go to my brain (admittedly a well trained left side *=ing safety*, and slightly languishing right side that has always found ways to express its truth by having me read other peoples words about their own journeys -- reading is "good" and proper in my tribal past) .
I had no problem with that.
I'm feeling the need to tell my map, yet I know that I don't really want anyone interpreting it...so I'm wondering at my need to tell it.
The first formal journeys I was sent on, came back safe...and with interesting bits of information about how I operate my life...I am inclined to have power animals appear that start as one animal and morph into something else...usually more powerful, scarier ...desired/admired (the stuff of shadows) ...
The first time I had someone do a soul journey for me , was safe enough, but the contract wasn't mine, and I was happy to let someone else, in my sacred drama take the healing.....(more shadow stuff)
The next time....the contract was invisible....and when I was guided to find out what it had to tell me, it became apparent that I was carrying familial stuff, that needed to be cleared...
The last journey...the contract was non verbal...it was a blue whale...before the journey there was also an orb (I think it was blue, but that may have been an add on I've made since) that was filled with a clear water like substance in which floated an oak leaf... that was floating in the universe...or the space between the universes...then the journey began an I got my whale with barnacles and some mussels attached to some rocks....during the sacred drama, I let go of the barnacles, and released the mussles....at which point the rocks disappeared...
My soul piece was a mitochondria divided into two parts --male and female
My gift was a lump of gold, which morphed into a crown, which I would not accept during the drama, because I didn't know what it would cost me, and I didn't want any more invisible contracts
an aside...I had just renovated and moved into a new office without a lease...and was seeing the pattern in my life of entering into contracts where I only knew what I wanted, but only a vague idea of what was expected of me in return, and in every case, with nothing written down, what was verbally expressed kept changing to give me less and my contractee more....
and the power animal was a lizard that changed into a bird...a fluttery, non intimidating bird...
during the drama I accepted the mitochondria, as that was not an issue for me...the powerhouse of the cell...the uniting of my male and female sides to a unified one....I was good with that being my journey in that moment
The lump of gold/crown I rejected...because of my fear of the cost...what was I going to have to become to deserve that crown...
The lizard and bird were not scary as presented so I stepped into them...the lizard felt fine, but the bird was not a bird. As I moved to the bird, it morphed into a pheonix. Had I not already been in it, I would not have stepped into it. Same reasoning as the crown....who do I need to be to be a pheonix....
I was ready to step into a new way of being, but I had a real problem with being "special"...or "powerful"....there are some really strong inhibitions to standing out...There is that thing they do to messiahs....
But the die was cast...I was already in the pheonix, and its message to me was not just of the birth, death, rebirth cycles....but also about how denied or not, the pheonix lives in me....and that doesn't make me special or stand out...as it lives in everyone...even if they deny it.....
And with the pheonix inside of me awake and aware....i went back to the crown...no longer hiding out as a lump of gold....and discovered that there was again no cost, beyond accepting what is already there....the I am crowned as is everyone, whether I own it or not, and that seeing that crown in others, would be its gift to me as I re-incorporated the male/female mitochondria into my life....
It was later that I started to deal with the images of the wound....the girl with the shamanic eyes who watched as a Father Christmas type figure cloaked and face hidden faded slowly from the map.
I have to run...errands ...kids and dogs!
so now I'll have to sit with this being in the public forum...while I'm away doing my own form of illusions.